Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
