so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
