we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
