I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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