I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
