Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
