I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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