Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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