The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
