So drunk its hurt
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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