i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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