Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
