i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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