I need to stop coming to work sober
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
