Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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