Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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