i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
