i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
