Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
