So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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