The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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