the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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