Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
