I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
