the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
