I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
