You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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