I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
