there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
