i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
