cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
