:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I feel like abortions should bother me more
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
