I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
