I'm really into asian looking animals
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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