Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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