Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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