Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
