First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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