Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
