and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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