nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
