Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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