are you still at the devil's house?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
