Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
