my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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