Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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