i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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