Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
