He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
