Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
