Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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