is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
