I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
