pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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