I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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