she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
