Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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