when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
