college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
