The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
