I haven't been this sober since birth.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
