The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
