Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
