You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
