Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I will be naked everywhere
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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